(WARNING: What you are about to read is an over-abundance of parental fawning. If you experience nausea, discomfort or temporary blindness after reading this post, you are probably a horrible person.)

Having a cute kid is one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I know, I know. I should be just as happy if my child were not so adorable, and believe me; my wife and I were well prepared for that scenario. Her beauty can only make up for so many of my genetically inferior features, so when we found out she was pregnant; we started mentally bracing ourselves for the inevitable arrival of our little “missing link”.

God decided otherwise and blessed us with a daughter that appears to have hit the genetic lottery. We could have questioned if the hospital had made a mistake by accidently switching our baby with that of the “supermodel” parents next door. Instead, we decided to check out before anyone else noticed.

Once we started taking her out into the world, we realized that cuteness has its advantages.

People who normally would have normally sneered at, given dirty looks or just ignored us in general began to immediately perk up, flash a huge smile and comment on how beautiful our baby was.

It was amazing and it has continued into toddlerhood.

This has led me to think of how I can use this to my advantage. (Don’t judge…you would do it too.)

Get Free Stuff – Hey, if people are that happy to just be seeing a cute kid, maybe they will fork over some food or cash or something if I can get her to wave at them.

Avoid Speeding Tickets – “Yes officer, I realize that going 80 in a 30 is not a wise decision, but I promised my toddler a McGriddle this morning and it is almost 10:30. Soooo…

Long, Unexplained Absences in Blog Posts – To the three people that read this thing consistently, I meant to write another one of these sooner, but…check out my baby.

Getting an Upgrade to First Class – As much fun as it sounds to sit in the middle seat right over the wing, I think your first class passengers would appreciate it more if my daughter were seated in the section of the plane with better lighting. We will just suffer through the higher quality food and more attentive service.

Ending a riot (or hate in general) – Hey everyone! I am taking this break from being selfish to help you. So, forget the social, political or racial issue that caused all of this chaos to ensue and let those negative feelings melt away in the glow of my daughter’s cuteness.

Z-6

(c’mon…you can’t tell me that she doesn’t tear down the emotional walls in your heart)

 

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