When I first started writing humor stuff, my friend Brandon told me about this guy named Jon Acuff who wrote a book (but starting as a blog) called Stuff Christians Like. It is basically just a humorous look at Christian culture with a lot of stuff that makes you cringe because it is so dead-on.

Anyway, I submitted a guest blog post a while back but since Jon has taken the site down, I’m not sure it will ever see the light of day…unless this is some sort of metaphor for the importance of waiting on the Lord.

I doubt it.

So, here it is. My Failed Stuff Christians Like post.

The Only Acceptable Vacation Spot for Church Leaders

No matter who it is, every church leader needs a break. A time to relax, get away from the stresses of the ministry and strengthen that connection with their families.

And what better place to do that than in the holiest of holy countries…Israel.

Sure you got excited when you heard the church was taking a collection for your family’s vacation this year. And yes, you probably began to dream about the white sand beaches of Jamaica or possibly hiking the mountains in New Zealand. Maybe you even thought of traveling through Europe and visiting all those places that you and your wife had dreamed about seeing before the kids came along. The possibilities seemed endless.

Not so fast, brother. We didn’t want your connection to God to lessen while you are away so we purchased the voucher for you.

That’s right. The memo line on that voucher for Shalom Travel indicates you are headed straight to the desert of Israel.

Who needs popular European history when you can walk for hours to see the possible spot where Jesus fed the five thousand or got baptized by John in the Jordan River?

Why spend time frolicking on white sand beaches and enjoying crystal blue waters when you can float in the Dead Sea? You will experience complete relaxation knowing that no fish, snakes or living creatures of any kind will be able to bother you.

Wanted to hear the calming sounds of nature as you strolled through the mountain passes? No need. You can open your hotel window and hear the passionate screams of hundreds of people each day as they cry out to God at the Wailing Wall.

For some added excitement, your entire family can run serpentine patterns through the Gaza Strip. It’s quite the thrill.

It will be a vacation you never forget and we are happy to bless you and your family in this way.

And don’t worry if you aren’t able to make it to all the Biblical sites. We will be taking up a collection again in five years to send you back.

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