Alright, so I saw a news video posted on Facebook about this guy who literally jumped to his death to avoid any more shopping with his girlfriend.
I guess I should first apologize to his family for not having this blog post up earlier. Yep, that may be on me. I assume that random Chinese guys are not reading my blog…in english…but who knows? He may have been that one.
Pretty quickly in our relationship, my wife and I realized that our ideas of shopping were not cohesive. When she would say things like, “I just want to check out this one more store”, I learned that what she really meant was, “I have one more store I want to see before going to visit the next seven.”
So, the phrase “one more store”, which I was foolishly taking literally, became this psychological mind game slowly pushing me to the brink of a mental collapse.
I also learned, while shopping seemed to be more of an activity that physically drained me (and most other males), my wife gained stamina as she sought out those $.26 worth of savings on the same blouse offered at the four different stores all strategically placed in the farthest corners of the mall. She was the Dean Karnazes of shoppers. (Oh, you don’t know who that is? Check him out. He is a machine of an ultra-marathon runner whose body reacts to his distance running by lowering the lactic acid in his joints. Crazy)
My only saving grace, other than our agreement to give her time to shop alone, has been the invention of the iPhone. Now, I can sit in some remote area of the store with the rest of the downtrodden husbands/boyfriends and ignore the world while I check Facebook, Tweet ridiculous stuff or write this blog post.
Ultimately, the lesson for all during this Christmas season of “spectacular sales” and “deals that can’t be missed” is to leave the real shopping to those mentally, physically and emotionally built for such activities and figure out a way to engage in a less stressful and life-sucking diversion like chopping down a 70-foot oak tree, raking and bagging the fallen leaves of your entire neighborhood or even chasing a caffeine-loaded toddler around your house for 5 hours.